In Perpetual Pursuit

  HELLO. Hey there, expectant mom (or dad). My name is Caroline, and I am a birth mother.  I was in your shoes almost a decade ago, Googling “giving the baby up for  adoption .” Just like you. Hello!  It’s nice to meet you. I’m going to tell you congratulations!  Whether or not you are excited about this pregnancy, congratulations! Whatever you decide: congratulations! If no one knows yet, if everyone knows…whatever your circumstance is, I’m so proud of you for considering all of your options for your child.  Whatever you end up deciding, I will respect your decision.  I will respect the decision that you made the BEST CHOICE for yourself and your child that you could at this point in your life. I remember feeling SO scared. I remember feeling SO unprepared. I remember just…the OVERWHELMINGNESS OF IT ALL. I. GET. IT. SELF TALK IS A (insert inappropriate swear word here) This was NOT in the plan. My parents will disown me. There are tons ...

Coaching is the easy part.  In-the-moment work like coaching practice, teaching a swim lesson....Those are my "easy brain buttons".  The hard work was all the other stuff....the work of creating a season plan. Of writing practice. Of writing lesson plans. They were ALL A WASTE OF TIME because I threw them out the window and coached/taught from feel anyway....based on the kids that were there that day, based on what I saw happening in the water.    Yes, I had a loose idea of what I needed to accomplish that day and that part of the season. Often a pre-planned main set for the older athletes was all I really needed to coach.  I had a series of warmups that athletes knew, so as they were warming up without a lot of 'need' for my attention, I was assessing strokes, the athletes, their energy levels.... all so I could coach to what the group needed that day.   (It also relieved my frustration of late stragglers, since I'd already 'done the work' explaining ...

School was always easy for me. Work never has been. My Brain on 'Hard' The type of work that is hard for my brain isn't breaking down a project into small pieces and assigning them. It's not the 5-hour shift at Jo-Ann Fabrics as a young adult.  It is not the act of teaching swim lessons or coaching a workout. Those are 'Easy Buttons." What's hard for me? It's doing my pieces of that project puzzle before the other people need it to do their pieces.  It's staying on task and not deviating from it. It's trying desperately to not go down a rabbit hole and spending 4 hours on research for something not exactly relevant but kinda is relevant and you know you probably need the information for something later and having all this knowledge is why you're so gifted so why not go down the rabbit hole It's being terrified to stop working because you may never get back to this project because its not finished and if you stop you may not be able to s...