In Perpetual Pursuit

Happy first birthday to the best thing that has ever happened to me: Miss Abigail Leigh! It's incredible to look back over a year and think about all the things you've experienced in a short 365 days.  I never would be where I am today if I hadn't chose the path of an open adoption.  Never in a million years, would I have expected to be a birthmother and begin to love and cherish all the small little things that being a birthmother entails.  It's so challenging in today's society to put terms to the relationship I have with Abigail's parents and how grateful I am for who they are and how they raise her. I am a positive person; I believe positive breeds positive and negative does the same.  I try to stay positive. No, I do not regret my decision.  Is it hard? Absolutely.  I think one of the most challenging things that happens is interacting with people outside of the adoption triad.  Some people ask innocent questions that can be hurtful, o...

In 2012 I loved and lost.  This was the year that I gave birth to Abigail and relinquished her in an open adoption.  She belongs to Brooke and Todd, but she is loved by all.  I am so thankful every day that the adoption went as well as it did.  The feeling of love is sometimes overshadowed by the feeling of loss, but I know it will get better in time. I have the best adoptive parents that respect the space I need and let me cherish the moments I need as well.  Abigail will be getting a baby sister in February and I couldn't be more excited for them. 2012 was a year of beginnings and endings.   This was the year I made the choice to end several friendships due to growth, chaos, or because the choices they made regarding my decision to place my child for adoption.   This was the year that I began a lifelong relationship with healing.  This was the year I began surrounding myself again with people that were positive and would ...

I'm absolutely tired of hearing of everyone's troubles and how bad their life is.  Absolutely sick of it.  If you don't like where you are in life, CHANGE IT.  You are the one that makes your choices.  It's not the economy's fault, where you live, who you're dating... it's yours.  Yes, I had a really bad patch in my life and I'm thankful for my friends that stuck with me through it.  Having a rough patch and taking a negative and turning it positive is one thing...Constantly having a life where you are miserable and everything goes wrong and you are in chaos is another.  Two completely different things.  If you are the later, please consider this your notice that I will be pulling back on the friendship level.  If you want to know if that's you, ask.  I'll gladly tell you.  I'm tired of candy-coating things for people that are constantly in turmoil.  Suck it up. Life sucks, lemons are sour, but you can either make lemonade ...

1.  Gather Inspiration:  Drive home from Cleveland singing at the top of your lungs.  Usually this requires imagination (and earplugs for the cars surrounding you) as you undertake a solo attempt at being the entire cast of Phantom of the Opera.  2.  Tickle the Ivories/Warmup the fingers:  Typically, this means playing said Phantom of the Opera music on piano.         2a. Consume good wine during warm-up session.   3.  Become convinced you are Mozart.  (this may or not be alcohol induced.) 4.  Realize you really like the key a particular song is in .  Start improvising.  Acknowledge you just actually played something kinda awesome, but have no idea what you just played.  Realize you probably should "write this shit down" because, hey, you're Mozart.  5.   Print out blank music staffs:  This must be done quickly so you don't realize you're really not  Mozart. ...

Abigail Leigh was born on 2/27/11 at 11:20 a.m.  She weighed 7 lbs, 10.8 oz and was 20" long.  She is absolutely beautiful.  I know many of you are confused, since you have read the pregnancy posts and the post pregnancy posts...but have been asking, "Did I miss something? Where is the baby?!?" She lives with her parents. Yes, I said her parents .   Abigail is my biological daughter; but I am not her Mommy.  Her Mommy is a fantastic person I am lucky to have connected with.  Someone that is ready to raise a child because she can make personal sacrifices to make sure that Abigail will have the best life possible.   Who's the daddy?    To eliminate any further discussion on this topic: Yes, I know who the father is, but he is not her Daddy.  Her Daddy   is the man I now entrust with her life; the man that I met in October and thought, "Yes, he is someone whose values my biogical daughter should have, and she will h...

I can officially say I'm back in the pool, and training. Monday I swam a set of 5x50, 4x50, 3x50, 2x50, 1x50 starting at 1:00 and descending. Tuesday I swam 5x100 @ 1:45. Wednesday was "off" Today...we shall see. Thinking about going 5-4-3-2-1 x 100's. Yes, I had a C-section 3 weeks ago. Yes, I feel fine. Yes, I'm being careful. If I wasn't being careful, I'd be swimming 3000 yards instead of 1500 on my first week back. My body is bored. When my body is bored, my mind is bored.  I love being an athlete.

Reposted from my adoption blog. Written to Abigail...during the first week after giving birth. <3 Genetic "Surrogacy" I am so thankful that I chose an open adoption early in my pregnancy.  I had time to get to know your parents and by the time you were born they already felt like family to me.  For the majority of the pregnancy I was able to mentally prepare myself for your birth and the fact that you would be going home with your mom and dad.  The first time I met your parents at the end of September I knew they were going to be your mom and dad, so pretty much the whole time I was pregnant with you I always felt like you were theirs.  I even used the term that I was a "genetic surrogate" to help explain to people how I felt about the open adoption.  I look up to your parents and how strong their relationship is to have gone through 12 years of being together and how much they deserve to be your parents.  I look at how they are together and ho...