IT IS OK TO SET BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOU. It is OK to say no to things that are overwhelming or 'too much" for you. It is OK to protect your mental health and wellbeing fiercely. You deserve to be healthy, mind-body-spirit. Remember: guilt is "I did something bad" and shame is "I AM bad." You are NOT a bad human for making an adoption plan... You are a loving and caring human, capable of great love (because without the capacity for great love, we would not grieve so deeply) Saying NO to something that is not part of your core values or desires on how you wish your life..is OK. When someone else places guilt (or shame) on you for sticking to your boundaries, that is a reflection on them and their own insecurities. Delete the texts that you ruminate in that make you feel you are not enough. Love yourself enough to walk out on an event or person when they cross the boundary you have set.
...of a greater appreciation of self and the world around me