Skip to main content

"I am getting better at self-care, but why do I feel guilty when I do it?"


I proposed this question today to my therapist.  

First, and this is just my speculation.... I think women have this guilt complex and not men.  I'm guessing some men have it, but not like women.  And here's why: because women care. We care how we are perceived, received, and we want each and every person we interact with to know we care...whether or not that person is worthy of our caring.  We want to be liked, loved, respected. We feel obligated to be perfect/pretty/allthethings /...all the different hats we wear we are expected to excel at them

My therapist explained it like this: 
We feel guilt because we are the minority and have had to strive and maintain our position each and every day, every day, all the time.

[Yep-women are a minority, especially in the business world.]
So this is probably true for all minorities, too. But especially for us women.

And this guilt comes from a place where we have had to strive to get where we are.  And there is a fear or an idea that if I am not standing in that place of "all the things" that I have done and a fear if we're not always in that space we will lose ground.

It comes from a place/idea/belief that if I take time for myself, others will PERCEIVE me as selfish (women are the most selfless people I know).  

It comes from a place/idea/belief that I had to EARN MY RIGHT to be where I am today, so if I take a time out I can't maintain where I am. 
[We all know sometimes if we rest we actually perform better, but our fear that if we pause or stop we won't actually rise above drives us to that feeling of guilt]

I don't really have a conclusion. It's something I'm chewing on, and I don't have the answer to how do I get away from feeling guilty, but sometimes just knowing the WHY helps us get out of our own way/out of our head.


[Credit where credit is due]

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

THE truth, MY truth, and BELIEF

When you look at this picture, what do you see? Let me start out with how awesome this picture is. I'm standing on a roof, with this amazing sky, in my wedding dress, with the love of my life on the day I felt most beautiful.  Ever.  My hair was done professionally, my makeup was done professionally. I spent 4 years losing weight to be a healthy and active body.  My hometown is below us, where I am building a dream career.  My husband thinks my part of the picture looks kind of like a beach, with the surf receding off to the right...especially when the photo is in black in white. I'm holding handmade paper flowers, where some pages are pages from a book. Guys.  I CLIMBED ON A ROOF IN MY WEDDING DRESS.  WILLINGLY. I'm standing in the snow, and I can still feel the cold of the snow on my shoes. I remember the moment thinking of how sure I was in choosing a partner, that I was excited to be married and to build our partnership...and li...
2 comments
Read more

Technology vs. Hard Work: Why competitive swimming got it right by going back to grassroots swimsuits.

Technology vs. Hard Work: Why competitive swimming got it right by going back to grassroots swimsuits.  by Caroline McDermott The sport of competitive swimming has long been coveted for instilling pride in the effort and results of hard work. Our sport, with the exception of the East Germans in the 1980's, has not been tainted with the use of performance-enhancing drugs, especially in the United States. Our sport thrives on the concept of those who work the hardest, achieve. The introduction of the technical suit in 2008 (Speedo LZR, amongst others) threatened to change the very essence of our sport. The swimsuits, which were introduced to the swimming world in 2008, have led to over 102 World Records set in 2008, in the Olympics and other internationally recognized meets.(Cazeneuve, 2009)   “At one point in the Olympics, 42 of the 48 swimming medals awarded had been won by athletes wearing Speedo's LZR.” (Five Reasons, 2009) Overall, 158 World Records were ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Caroline Ritenour 101

Over the years I've learned a lot about myself I always knew I was a gifted learner and now I have been diagnosed with ADHD. (There's an actual term for this, too: Twice Exceptional!) Now I know that my ADHD "hid" until my ability to create systems to help me thrive....imploded. I'm realizing a lot of my struggles,  aren't really me not "trying hard enough" but more of how my brain is wired. Systems breaking down, or my brain not being INTERESTED in what I am doing.  Try prioritizing important tasks when there's something else interesting PULLING AT YOUR BRAIN...it's exhausting! (ADHD'ers have an interest based nervous system... where most of the world has an importance based one...) This is a 'best/worst' quality. In the right context, my "fast brain" -- ADHD impulsivity-wired brain -- helps me make some great business decisions and take risks that have had huge payouts (and sometimes failures), but it al...
Post a Comment
Read more