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"I am getting better at self-care, but why do I feel guilty when I do it?"


I proposed this question today to my therapist.  

First, and this is just my speculation.... I think women have this guilt complex and not men.  I'm guessing some men have it, but not like women.  And here's why: because women care. We care how we are perceived, received, and we want each and every person we interact with to know we care...whether or not that person is worthy of our caring.  We want to be liked, loved, respected. We feel obligated to be perfect/pretty/allthethings /...all the different hats we wear we are expected to excel at them

My therapist explained it like this: 
We feel guilt because we are the minority and have had to strive and maintain our position each and every day, every day, all the time.

[Yep-women are a minority, especially in the business world.]
So this is probably true for all minorities, too. But especially for us women.

And this guilt comes from a place where we have had to strive to get where we are.  And there is a fear or an idea that if I am not standing in that place of "all the things" that I have done and a fear if we're not always in that space we will lose ground.

It comes from a place/idea/belief that if I take time for myself, others will PERCEIVE me as selfish (women are the most selfless people I know).  

It comes from a place/idea/belief that I had to EARN MY RIGHT to be where I am today, so if I take a time out I can't maintain where I am. 
[We all know sometimes if we rest we actually perform better, but our fear that if we pause or stop we won't actually rise above drives us to that feeling of guilt]

I don't really have a conclusion. It's something I'm chewing on, and I don't have the answer to how do I get away from feeling guilty, but sometimes just knowing the WHY helps us get out of our own way/out of our head.


[Credit where credit is due]

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