The Case of the Missing Surface Pro Pen

In Today's Episode of "Another Moment inside Caroline's Brain" we examine losing a Surface Pro Pen

With ADHD, we are constantly trying to exist in a world that does not work for our brains.  It's exhausting sometimes.  Nothing exists to work for you.  The world wants you to behave and navigate a specific way.  

There are things that I just don't do because I just can't. But there are things we have to do-like laundry and pay bills and get the work done, that means we have to hack and hack and hack, just to do the thing. To get the thing started.

Our brains are exhausted just from navigating day-to-day life.

I AM SO TIRED.

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Just once in my life, I would like to not have to modify something in the world so it would just work with my brain.

( I literally said this to my therapist yesterday. And by said, I mean screamed passionately over HIPPA video call...followed by sighed, "at least I have the ability to create systems...but STILL.....") 

The Case of the Missing Surface Pro Pen:

I'm a Chromebook/google gal, and I love the way the stylus slides into the case and locks. It has a home. I use it, put it back. It belongs somewhere.

I just bought a surface pro.  Time to upgrade to something with some juice. Yeah, baby!!

I'm pretty stoked to get a decent computer and not have to slow down my workflow while waiting for my computer to catch up to my brain speed.

However, the surface pro does not come with a built-in stylus "home" like a Chromebook.  The stylus is magnetic though, so it sticks to your tablet and you won't lose it. (That's what the salesperson told me, anyway...my adhd brain said "hahahahahha".) 

I bought the one with the keyboard with the pen that fits inside the keyboard because I KNEW I would lose a pen that didn't have a designated home.  Of course, it costs more.

But I know myself and I know my brain.  Replacing the pen 10x will cost me more in the long run than the initial cost of this small upgrade.

So I bought the more expensive keyboard that has a designated home for the pen built into the keyboard. 

(Side note: This is referred to the "ADHD Tax"--its the cost of navigating the world with ADHD. You buy 15 chargers so they all live in designated areas and you don't move them and lose them. You have to take a picture of the document and also email it to yourself and then mail it to yourself so you don't lose it...stuff like that....)

I was SO excited. I have this sleek, beautiful new computer with a digital pen/stylus. The keyboard is black. The pen is black. It looks amazing, classy, and grown-up.  

I open up my surface pro.

I set up the keyboard. 

I put the pen where it goes.

I do some things on the computer.

I use the pen. 
I put the pen back in its home.
I do some more work.

I get up and do some things. 

I decide to pack up the new surface pro and get to the office. 

I spot-check for all the things.  

Mouse? Check. Back in its zippy pouch where it lives. Back in my work bag.

Close the surface pro. Is the pen in there?

No. The pen is gone.

I lost the f'ing pen.

No, I'm not kidding.

(I wish I was making this up.)

I looked for 20 minutes. 

Everywhere. 

Couch cushions off the couch, the whole works. 

I'm in tears. 

How do I lose something like this? I am extra careful to make sure I put things back where they belong so I don't lose the thing. 

You know where it was? 

In the holder. 

On the keyboard.

I put it away.

Where it belongs.

My brain just didn't 'SEE' it. 

(I seriously think the 🤦🏻‍♀️ emoji is an adhd persons #1 emoji)

Do you know why I lost the pen?

Because it was black, and the keyboard is black. 

And my brain, when looking for the pen, glanced at it over and over and didn't see it.

On the left: My pen with washi tape in its home.  Top right: pen without washi tape, in its home, invisible to the ADHD eye.
Bottom right: closeup of the washi tape solution.

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So this morning I hacked my pen. It now has yellow washi tape around the top.

It may not seem like a big deal to an NT brain, but it is a big deal to an ND brain. An NT person would be like "no big deal. put the washi tape on it and move on." Or, even more likely "just don't lose the pen". 

But it's a big deal for us ADHD'ers. 

Because this is not a one-time incident.

This is us. 

Everyday. 

Every minute.

All. The. Time.

Our brains are exhausted just trying to function and do the thing.

My adhd tax cost me $100 in a fancier keyboard, plus 30-60 minutes of my time...to find the pen, do the washi tape, and write this post. (I talk/write to process)

People don't see it because I come across as "put together" but they don't see what happens behind the scenes so I don't lose the thing, so I show up on time, I am prepared for the meeting, and I meet the deadline. The work it takes to take random thoughts in a business pitch and put it into a cohesive, linear, presentation for the world.  

I'm tired.
My brain is tired.

My underwear is probably on inside out, but hey, I remembered to put underwear on this morning. So that's a win.

My ADHD Tax today...$100 in better keyboard, 60 minutes of time @ $2 per minute,

Total Cost $360