In Perpetual Pursuit

 IUPUI Natatorium ☆1998☆ stepping into this pool for quads utter wonder. eyes sparkling. the legacy of the Olympic greats whose names were painted on the wall. pressing my hand in their handprints dreaming mine would be there too someday ☆1999☆ standing on a podium at zones feet firmly planted where past Olympians had stood complete wonderment that this was the same tentative begining step many legends who had come before had quietly stepped and more important the realization I had earned the right to step on the same path ☆2016☆ standing on the deck as a coach for 10&u realizing my moment of awe the legacy the wonderment the path was no longer mine but theirs and was my job to pass that along

Dear Birth Mother on Mother’s Day Weekend:  Note: Trigger warning, a myriad of (necessary) emotions, and long <3 --- This weekend will be hard. Mother’s Day is always hard. There’s just no “amazingly awesome way!” to really celebrate the life you gave to the world: the child who is here because of you but isn’t here with you. It’s not really our day, but….it is. This otherness is such a weird place. I know….I live it. If this is your first weekend of Mother’s Day as a birth mother, this will be ridiculously difficult. If you’ve done this whole Mother’s Day weekend for a decade, or what feels like a lifetime, this will be ridiculously difficult. If you have other children at home that call you mom, this will be ridiculously difficult. It’s worse when people don’t acknowledge it, isn’t it? They think if they don’t mention the child you don’t have, it will somehow make it easier on you. They think they’re helping because they don’t want to add pain to your pain....

IT IS OK TO SET BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOU. It is OK to say no to things that are overwhelming or 'too much" for you. It is OK to protect your mental health and wellbeing fiercely. You deserve to be healthy, mind-body-spirit. Remember: guilt is "I did something bad" and shame is "I AM bad." You are NOT a bad human for making an adoption plan... You are a loving and caring human, capable of great love (because without the capacity for great love, we would not grieve so deeply) Saying NO to something that is not part of your core values or desires on how you wish your life..is OK. When someone else places guilt (or shame) on you for sticking to your boundaries, that is a reflection on them and their own insecurities. Delete the texts that you ruminate in that make you feel you are not enough. Love yourself enough to walk out on an event or person when they cross the boundary you have set. ...

From USA Swimming Convention 2016

My Personal Theory on how brains work Kristen Carder asked me to post this in an ADHD group, when I responded to a post with my theory. MY THEORY ON BRAIN CAPACITY What you should assume: brains can only work "100%." 100% looks different for everyone.(Some people have a higher level of "brain strength" than others.) A neurotypical brain is just the average brain, the "brain strength" of MOST people. How this breaks down: Everyone has all these incredible subcategories in their brain. all subcategories total 100% for the sake of this let's just say there are 4 brain categories, A, B, C, D a NT brain is simply the categories are just more evenly spread. A =22% B=28% C=23% D=26% OUR BRAINS may look more like this A=60% B=30% C=8% D=2% They both still total 100%.  They just look different in how they function. To me, it makes sense. There only so much space in the brain. (literally and figuratively) and if you...

Over the years I've learned a lot about myself I always knew I was a gifted learner and now I have been diagnosed with ADHD. (There's an actual term for this, too: Twice Exceptional!) Now I know that my ADHD "hid" until my ability to create systems to help me thrive....imploded. I'm realizing a lot of my struggles,  aren't really me not "trying hard enough" but more of how my brain is wired. Systems breaking down, or my brain not being INTERESTED in what I am doing.  Try prioritizing important tasks when there's something else interesting PULLING AT YOUR BRAIN...it's exhausting! (ADHD'ers have an interest based nervous system... where most of the world has an importance based one...) This is a 'best/worst' quality. In the right context, my "fast brain" -- ADHD impulsivity-wired brain -- helps me make some great business decisions and take risks that have had huge payouts (and sometimes failures), but it al...

*This is a fluid post* A Collection of resources and hacks I've found helpful I made my own " About Caroline " that I give to people I work with. It helps them understand me, how I work, what my brain is like, my strengths, and my biggest struggles.  I also keep adding to that list as I discover more about myself!  (Hot tip: Give this to your care providers, too! (Primary doctor, therapist, etc) Facebook Groups/Pages ADHD for Smart Ass Women    The ADHD Gift The ADHDoers Community -ADHD Support for Ambitious People ADHD Entrepreneurs TikTok:  Just hugely hilarious and full of adhd stuff.  Follow Ed Hallowell, he's the author of ADHD 2.0 and stuff Apps/Programs/Software Calendly (automates when I'm available for meetings and allows people to schedule with me.) Airtable  Asana (with Gmail add on and Chrome extension for easy saving!) Dropbox automatic backups of phone/pictures Google Home minis/google assistant Brain Toss App YNAB (You Need a Bu...