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2014.

Life was very, very, very good to me in 2014.  There was lots of healing and growing in 2014.  I'm proud of me!

The beginning of 2014 was pretty miserable, and I will be the first to admit that. Hands down, I was not in a great place emotionally...although I definitely couldn't have told you that at the time.  In March I had my wake up call: I found out that Abby and her adoptive parents were moving to Colorado.  My (what I thought was pretty together) emotional state was shaken, stirred, and vomited all over my pretty little head.

Luckily, I found out they were moving while I was at a Birthmother retreat.  I found out that horrible, awful news when I was surrounded by a roomful of women that understood exactly what I was feeling; even if I couldn't articulate what I felt, yet.  It took me an entire weekend of crying quietly in the shower and alone in the woods before I could even begin to understand how I was feeling. I am forever grateful for those women those weekend.  I may have been facilitating the retreat, but they helped me in ways they probably would never know just by being there.

Somewhere around that time I found out Abby was moving to Colorado, I  decided I probably should see a counselor. I defintely believe in the power of a counselor for some, but I've been a skeptic of the counselor for ME.  Which I know, makes no rational sense whatsoever. (Hey, at least I can admit when what I'm feeling is emotional vs rational!) I've seen a few and I never really found one that fit.  So I started giving it a try.  And I'm still giving it a try, and I'm not sure my counselor is quite the right fit but its definitely a MUCH BETTER FIT than any counselor in the past so I'm going to keep with it for a bit.   So anyway, its Spring.  I started seeing a counselor, going to the gym... and then I started crossfit in June.  I was also a little skeptical of Crossfit, and only went 1-2 times a week.  And by mid-July, I was hooked.

I lost almost 20 lbs over the summer crossfitting and eating a better diet.  And seeing a counselor.  It's funny how the phsyical side improved and so did the mental side.  I had more self confidence, I had a better body image.  All of a sudden, I didn't hate myself anymore.  That's right. I hated myself.  I didn't think I was worthy of love, or that anyone could really truly love the real me.  In fact, I don't think I ever really truly showed anyone all of  the real me before.

And then I had this really terrible bad date and I decided that was the universe telling me to take a break.  So, I swore of dating. For a whole year. (ha). And I really took August and September to work on ME.  And boy did I work on me.  I visited Abby in Colorado, I continued to lose weight.  I ate a lot more bacon. I climbed the rope at crossfit...3 times.  I decided on a Monday I wanted to learn to climb that rope, and 3 classes later I made it to the top...three times.

Defining Moments
We all have those "defining moments" that when we reflect we realize "Oh, that moment changed everything" and that rope climb that day was definitely my defining moment of 2014.  All of a sudden, I believed in ME again. I realized that "well heck, if I can learn to climb a rope in 3 classes, what else can I accomplish if I really want to?"  That rope climb gave me my girlpower back. I can't think of a better word for it besides GIRLPOWER.

And it couldn't have come at a better time.



I'm really, really, really looking forward to 2015.  I can't wait to see how I will grow and change.


My three Big Hairy Audacious Goals for 2015:

  1. Healthy, athletic weight (15 lbs or so to go), basically another pant size?? I just want to keep feeling good in my own skin!
  2. Grow as a human
  3. Continue to work on being better at financial management. 



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