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My adoption plan revisited.

An excerpt from this post was used as part of Hillary M. Jones's Birthmother Series
http://www.hillarymjones.com/the-birthmother-series#8 


I’m going to confess this secret part of me to the world: I never intended on having children. I had asked doctors for years if I could get my tubes tied and they all told me I would change my mind and wouldn't perform the procedure.  Oh the irony-of having the world control your reproductive rights and then accidentally getting pregnant! 

I was 29 when I made my adoption plan.  A lot of people at the time didn't understand because I am so great with kids--I work with kids daily and spend a lot of time working with Special Needs kids. Just because I am awesome with children doesn't mean parenting is the best choice. The type of person her biological father was played a big part in my decision not to parent. (I realize my first mistake is procreating with a less than ideal human, but we all make mistakes; it’s how we learn from and react to them which makes us grow).

Don’t get me wrong, I think I would be a great mom, but it just wasn't something that was the best choice for both me and my daughter.  I had always seen my life as one where I would work with as many kids as possible because I wanted to make some kind of positive impact on hundreds of lives and not just a few [of my own].  I started my own small business/swim team (which was my dream) at 26. When I found out I was pregnant I was drowning in debt from starting the business and there was no conceivable way I could be a thriving single parent; I was barely surviving. Not only was my decision based on financial reasons, but it was based a lot on psychological reasons as well.  I wanted her to be safe from the psychological damage an absent/abusive father can have.

I made the decision to make an adoption plan because I want my daughter to know that it is possible to make mistakes and still, at the end of the day, love yourself, love your life, and overcome obstacles, even if they look like impossible mountains to climb.  I want my daughter to know that dreams can become realities and that you can truly achieve anything you believe in strong enough if you want to put the work in to achieve it. 

My daughter has taught me so many things already in 4 years.  I've learned what unconditional love is. I’ve learned how to overcome issues without the use of alcohol, I’ve learned how to acknowledge and address my emotions-both good and bad.  I’ve learned that my strength positively affects so many lives.  I’ve learned how to open myself up to the outside world—and show them what I perceive are my flaws that I kept hidden for so long. 

I don’t have regrets; I know in my soul I made the best plan for my child.  I believe in my adoption plan and that my daughter will be a better person because of it--and I am a better person because of my adoption plan.

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