In Perpetual Pursuit

My Personal Theory on how brains work Kristen Carder asked me to post this in an ADHD group, when I responded to a post with my theory. MY THEORY ON BRAIN CAPACITY What you should assume: brains can only work "100%." 100% looks different for everyone.(Some people have a higher level of "brain strength" than others.) A neurotypical brain is just the average brain, the "brain strength" of MOST people. How this breaks down: Everyone has all these incredible subcategories in their brain. all subcategories total 100% for the sake of this let's just say there are 4 brain categories, A, B, C, D a NT brain is simply the categories are just more evenly spread. A =22% B=28% C=23% D=26% OUR BRAINS may look more like this A=60% B=30% C=8% D=2% They both still total 100%.  They just look different in how they function. To me, it makes sense. There only so much space in the brain. (literally and figuratively) and if you...

Over the years I've learned a lot about myself I always knew I was a gifted learner and now I have been diagnosed with ADHD. (There's an actual term for this, too: Twice Exceptional!) Now I know that my ADHD "hid" until my ability to create systems to help me thrive....imploded. I'm realizing a lot of my struggles,  aren't really me not "trying hard enough" but more of how my brain is wired. Systems breaking down, or my brain not being INTERESTED in what I am doing.  Try prioritizing important tasks when there's something else interesting PULLING AT YOUR BRAIN...it's exhausting! (ADHD'ers have an interest based nervous system... where most of the world has an importance based one...) This is a 'best/worst' quality. In the right context, my "fast brain" -- ADHD impulsivity-wired brain -- helps me make some great business decisions and take risks that have had huge payouts (and sometimes failures), but it al...

*This is a fluid post* A Collection of resources and hacks I've found helpful I made my own " About Caroline " that I give to people I work with. It helps them understand me, how I work, what my brain is like, my strengths, and my biggest struggles.  I also keep adding to that list as I discover more about myself!  (Hot tip: Give this to your care providers, too! (Primary doctor, therapist, etc) Facebook Groups/Pages ADHD for Smart Ass Women    The ADHD Gift The ADHDoers Community -ADHD Support for Ambitious People ADHD Entrepreneurs TikTok:  Just hugely hilarious and full of adhd stuff.  Follow Ed Hallowell, he's the author of ADHD 2.0 and stuff Apps/Programs/Software Calendly (automates when I'm available for meetings and allows people to schedule with me.) Airtable  Asana (with Gmail add on and Chrome extension for easy saving!) Dropbox automatic backups of phone/pictures Google Home minis/google assistant Brain Toss App YNAB (You Need a Bu...

Crossfit was supposed to be by safe space where I go to build myself back up from life's challenges.  Crossfit was supposed to be the place I go to unleash my competitive nature...to give that drive somewhere to live.  Crossfit was supposed to be that thing that gave me the mental challenge I needed to push myself in a safe space. Crossfit was supposed to be the place where I went to try and catch the guys.  Crossfit was supposed to be my HAPPY place...the place that I couldn't wait to get to. Crossfit was supposed to be the place I feel at home. But inconsistency in attending due to outside life crazzzyness (and I mean crazyness) turned that safe, happy spot into a spot of dread. How far under my own PR would I be today? I would try to scale and then I'd still walk out of there with self-defeating talk.  My binge eating yo-yoed like crazy.  I'd go and be so exhausted from adrenal fatigue I couldn't get my brain to work.  I thought about dropping my mem...

This past weekend I spent immersed in another birthmom retreat. The day after is always just so utterly exhausting. Those of you that really know me know I am not a fan of feelings (Except when they remind me I'm not a sociopath) and I don't like feelings because they DRAIN ME. Hardcore. It can take me days to recover from emotionally draining experiences. Today is one of them. So today, I give myself permission to feel all the feels. To be vulnerable and open and honest. To get it out, because, damnit, this deserves to be spoken into the world. When I write it helps me process the things I'm feeling. To give the swirling emotions a place to land. What you see when you read this is hours of writing, deleting, moving things around... over the course of two days. Writing a sentence or two at the bottom and bringing it back up later and adding more. Giving those feelings a place to live..even more importantly…. .giving them a home. And having the courage to let the res...

I proposed this question today to my therapist.   First, and this is just my speculation.... I think women have this guilt complex and not men.  I'm guessing some men have it, but not like women.  And here's why: because women care. We care how we are perceived, received, and we want each and every person we interact with to know we care... whether or not that person is worthy of our caring.   We want to be liked, loved, respected. We feel obligated to be perfect/pretty/allthethings /. ..all the different hats we wear we are expected to excel at them My therapist explained it like this:  We feel guilt because we are the minority and have had to strive and maintain our position each and every day, every day, all the time. [Yep-women are a minority, especially in the business world.] So this is probably true for all minorities, too. But especially for us women. And this guilt comes from a place where we have had to strive to ge...

When you look at this picture, what do you see? Let me start out with how awesome this picture is. I'm standing on a roof, with this amazing sky, in my wedding dress, with the love of my life on the day I felt most beautiful.  Ever.  My hair was done professionally, my makeup was done professionally. I spent 4 years losing weight to be a healthy and active body.  My hometown is below us, where I am building a dream career.  My husband thinks my part of the picture looks kind of like a beach, with the surf receding off to the right...especially when the photo is in black in white. I'm holding handmade paper flowers, where some pages are pages from a book. Guys.  I CLIMBED ON A ROOF IN MY WEDDING DRESS.  WILLINGLY. I'm standing in the snow, and I can still feel the cold of the snow on my shoes. I remember the moment thinking of how sure I was in choosing a partner, that I was excited to be married and to build our partnership...and li...